


Hesitation

by ramsay_baggins



Series: Hesitation [2]
Category: Marvel Avengers Movies Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Humor, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Falling In Love, Hurt Tony, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance, Slash, Slow Build, Tony Feels, Tony Stark Feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-26
Updated: 2012-11-26
Packaged: 2017-11-19 14:45:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/574406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ramsay_baggins/pseuds/ramsay_baggins
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony and Steve start to feel something stronger for each other, but it's not until something disastrous happens that they realise that they can't go on this way.</p><p>Warning for non-graphic violence towards an Avenger.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hesitation

**Author's Note:**

> Written for this prompt: http://avengerkink.livejournal.com/7940.html?thread=14960644#t14960644

Natasha glanced at the other couch again. Watching Steve and Tony sitting so close together but trying so hard not to accidentally touch was much more interesting than the movie the rest of the team were watching. It seemed the only people in SHEILD who didn't know they loved each other were actually Steve and Tony. Clint caught her eye and rolled his eyes in their direction, a smirk on his lips.  
As they all filtered out of the room when the movie was done Steve and Tony disappeared, Tony moving his hands excitedly as he described a new invention that Steve just had to see. Thor sighed as the rest of them moved the empty bowls and wrappers through to the kitchen.  
“I do not understand why they do not just confess their feelings to one another. Midgardians seem so afraid of entering a courtship.”  
Bruce looked at him, “It's... not that simple, Thor. In fact it's probably one of the most confusing things any _normal_ person has to deal with.”  
Thor looked puzzled, “Then why not employ a friend to make them aware of the other's feelings?”  
“I don't think that's a good idea this time, I reckon we should let them work it out themselves. It hasn't been all that long since Pepper left. I'm not even sure _they_ know they like each other. Anyway, it means you can't throw the bets,” came Clint's reply. “I give it two months.”

Tony, try as he might, just couldn't land a punch. Steve was just too fast, and Tony was not going to resort to his armour. Anyway, that would defeat the purpose. He was specifically trying to improve his ability to fight hand to hand, so he'd always be ready even if the suit wasn't close enough or combat ready. It would do little against something bigger than him, but it would help him if he ran into skrulls or, heaven forbid, more kidnappers.  
They had started sparring not long after their time in the building. Being trapped in a dark space for so long had brought back a lot of unwanted feelings, which Steve had managed to pick up on with astounding swiftness. He'd forced Tony to come down to the gym everyday to work out his frustrations on the punching bags until one day he'd spent his energy, physically and emotionally, completely. As he'd slid to the floor, head buried in his boxing gloves as he gasped in air to feed his tears, Steve had lowered himself to his ankles and placed a hand on Tony's shoulder. He let Tony talk it all out without trying to interrupt him and for that Tony was truly grateful. Yet again he'd found himself breaking down in front of Captain America, but this time he was a friend. He kept forgetting Steve had had to deal with soldiers who were going through a worse time than he had.  
“It's the nightmares I can't deal with, Steve. I thought I'd got them under control, I thought I was on top of them. Pepper was always there to deal with me when I woke up... but she left me. She left me because I'm a piece of shit and I can't hold on to anything good. Then, at the worst fucking possible time, a building falls on me. I can't sleep any more, and Pepper isn't here to help and it's all just fucking building up and I can't deal with it. I feel like I'm going to explode.”  
Tony must have been on the floor for a good ten minutes, if not longer, just crying. Steve just sat there, his presence letting Tony know he wasn't going through this alone and that he would be there for him. As Tony calmed down and wiped the tears from his cheeks, Steve stood up and held out a hand. Tony looked up at him, paused for a moment before grabbing Steve's wrist and pulling himself up.  
“Don't tell anyone, please,” Tony murmured, Steve again feeling privileged that he was trusted enough to see Tony's innermost feelings.  
Steve looked him dead in the eyes, “Of course not. I will be here to help you through this. We're Avengers, we do things together.”  
Tony took a deep breath and something hardened in Steve's eyes, “Now come at me with everything you've got.”  
Since then they sparred at least twice a week, and Tony was feeling much better emotionally. Steve had let him work out all of his frustrations, punching until he was screaming in rage at everything he'd keep inside for months and years. Now he felt like he was starting to improve in terms of technique, now he'd moved on from pure, blind aggression. He was still matched blow for blow by Steve, but now he could at least see what was happening and could block a good portion of Steve's attacks. Then a first, his fist actually connected with Steve's chest. He'd got past Steve's apparently not impenetrable flurry of blocks. In a moment of disbelief he hesitated and found himself on the floor, Steve on top of him holding him down.  
“Don't let your guard down, Tony,” Steve breathed close to Tony's face.  
He sat back, “I think that should be enough for today.” He slicked his hair back from his forehead and helped Tony sit up. “Good session.”  
“Just as long as you didn't let me get through your defences,” Tony replied, with a suggestion of cheeky smile.  
Steve cocked an eyebrow at him, “Like I'd do that, Stark. You're not going to stop gloating for a week.”  
Tony smiled and waved an arm dismissively at Steve as he left the boxing ring and wiped his face down with a towel. Before he turned to leave his smile faded as he called to Steve in a serious tone, “You know, thanks for not treating me like broken glass.”  
Steve looked at him, “You survived a fall from space and a hug from the Hulk, if you're glass then you're bulletproof.”  
Tony smiled softly to himself. As he left the gym he heard Steve start with the punching bag again.

Steve walked through Manhattan just taking in 21st Century life, he enjoyed watching people go about their days and wondering what their lives were like. He stopped outside a building site, rubble being moved out of the way and steel girders being positioned. The place where a building had collapsed and trapped he and Tony for nearly two days. He pondered everything that had happened since then. Tony, the son of one of his best friends, whom he'd never expected to call a friend, had become the person in the Avengers he enjoyed being around the most and who had become one of the closest friends he had ever had. They'd spent a lot of time together since they revealed themselves trapped in the rubble, and what had resulted was a deep connection of understanding. Steve had seen his soldiers cope with traumas and knew how to be there for Tony, how to help him through his emotions without making him feel like a child. He felt a great sense of privilege knowing that Tony allowed him to see past his snarky, I-don't-care façade to the damaged, hurting person underneath. To the childlike excitement that raced behind his eyes when he thought of a new idea, to the calm man who needed some time to relax. He turned away from the building site and continued walking. He'd been watching Tony transform from a man plagued by memories and regrets who couldn't deal with his mental trauma to a man who was at terms with everything that had happened to him and now had more healthy outlets to pursue when he felt life was building up on him again. He was oddly proud to see him growing in confidence. Not his pesudo-confidence for the press, but real genuine self-esteem. Especially since Pepper left. Steve realised he even felt a little protective over Tony.

Steve had to concentrate on what Tony was saying so he wouldn't drift off just watching him. He loved it when Tony got really into something, his eyes lit up and his smile brightened the whole room. He'd come to a new appreciation of Tony and how he worked during the time they had spent trapped together, after the Iron Man opened up his feelings.  
“So this one should be able to stand up to anything you can throw at it.” Tony handed Steve the new-and-improved Invincible StarkPhone. “Try and break it. Try _everything_.”  
Steve turned it over in his hands. So far not a single model had been able to stand up to his super soldier strength, and a lot of the time he hadn't even been _trying_ to break the things.  
Ten minutes later he handed a whimpering Tony a freshly smashed pile of metal and electronics.

Clint flicked a fry at Bruce as the Avengers settled down into a post-battle come down. They'd ordered from their favourite take-out and taken over the kitchen with half-discarded bits of kit. Bruce laughed as the team went over their favourite parts of the fight, their preferred way of letting off steam.  
“But seriously, that shot you pulled off from the back of the Doombot Clint, that was pretty amazing,” Steve smiled at the archer.  
“Yeah well, Cap, you're always the one who gets the cool combo shots with Thor and Tony,” Natasha looked at him with a twinkle in her eye.  
“That's all the shield,” came the reply, a slight colour coming to Steve's cheeks. He still found it strange to be praised for his physical ability.  
Tony gave him a playful punch on the arm and spoke through a mouthful of burger, “Seriously, stop being so modest, you make it feel like _I've_ used up your allotted amount of ego.”  
The others looked at Tony with a little disbelief for admitting something like that as Steve spoke.  
“No Tony, you're... you're...” He spotted Tony looking at him with raised eyebrows, “Oh who am I kidding, you have enough ego for the both of us.”  
Laughter rang out through the room from all the Avengers.

“Ok, and then you just turn your hand like that... yeah, you got it,” Tony clapped his hand onto Steve's shoulder, strangely proud of the younger man. He'd been helping Steve work out some of the more complicated technology the Stark Tower contained, and he was enjoying it much more than he thought he would. The respect they'd developed when they were stuck together had developed into a firm friendship. It turns out that once they'd gotten over their own egos and misconceptions their personalities actually worked pretty well together. It surprised Tony as much as anyone else.  
Steve turned to look at Tony, smiling, “Thanks for helping me... again. This is what, the sixth time?”  
“Hey, no problem. Honestly, I was expecting you to take longer than this to get used to everything.”  
Steve let out a small laugh, “But seriously,” he said, looking at Tony intently, “Thank you for not treating me like a kid. You're a very patient teacher.”  
Tony took a moment before smiling, “Well how else would people appreciate my genius if they didn't know what I was going on about?”  
The two men laughed together.

Steve was helping Tony in his lab. And by helping, he was handing him the occasional tool as Tony worked on something intricate and confusing. His nose was buried in a modern history book as he continued to catch up on everything he'd missed when he'd been trapped in the ice. Tony called over to him to pass him some complicated sounding device, and Steve's mind went blank as he looked at everything laid in front of him. When he asked Tony to clarify he got a grunt, a wave and a “one of those thingies.” He sighed and looked up at the ceiling.  
“JARVIS, could you help me out a little here, please?”  
“Certainly sir,” came the reply, “Mr Stark is asking for the object to your right and three items back.”  
Steve picked it up and handed it to Tony, “Thank you, JARVIS.”  
A few minutes later Steve stood up and wandered across to one of the worktops on the other side of the lab. He moved a few things before getting slightly upset.  
“Hey Tony, have you seen my camera? I think I left it over here.”  
Tony didn't even look up, “Nope, sorry.”  
Steve looked around a little more urgently before almost running into DUM-E who appeared right beside him, camera in his claw. Steve's face softened as he took his camera and examined it for damage. It was fine. As he turned to sit back down he absent-mindedly patted DUM-E on what would be the top of his head, “Thanks DUM-E.”  
Tony stood up and stretched, regarding the now sitting Steve fondly, a pensive smile dancing across his lips. He stood for a few seconds before Steve sensed him and looked up from his book.  
“...What?” he asked.  
Tony shifted his weight onto his other leg, “Oh nothing,” he said, crossing his arms.  
Steve looked slightly concerned, “No Tony, what?”  
Tony took a moment before replying, “I just love the way you treat my robots.”  
Steve looked a little confused, “Huh?”  
“You're just so polite to JARVIS and DUM-E. I guess the rest of us just take them for granted, but you always thank them and say please. It's really... nice.”  
Steve started to go a little pink, “Well, they are essentially people. They deserve the same manners.”  
Tony felt something stir in his stomach as he watched at Steve go back to his reading. He took a deep breath and went back to his work.  
“Flat head screwdriver, please.”

Tony put every ounce of his memories and pain into the punching bag as the sweat poured off of his forehead. He paused to pull his soaked shirt off and drop it on the floor before going back to working the bag. He let out a scream as he threw a punch with all of his energy. At that moment he heard something move behind him. He whirled around, arms up defensively.  
“Whoa,” Steve said, “It's just me.”  
Tony lowered his arms and let out his breath.  
“You ok? I know it would have been your anniversary today, I wanted to come and check on you.”  
Tony deflated a little, “I'm ok. The punching bag is a good therapist.”  
Steve smiled a little as Tony laughed. He walked towards him. Tony suddenly became self conscious as he noticed Steve's eyes flick to his arc reactor, on display without a protective shirt hiding it away. He reflexively covered it with a hand as he looked for his shirt on the ground.  
“Shit, sorry. I know this thing freaks people out, give me a sec to cover up.”  
Steve was right in front of him now, and lay a hand on Tony's arm, “No, I... I want to see it, if that's ok?”  
Tony hesitated, unsure of what to do. Usually the arc reactor creeped people out, rather than interest them. He silently and hesitantly moved his hand away from his chest. Steve bent down a little to look more closely at it. He moved his hand as if to touch it before stopping as Tony almost flinched.  
Steve looked up at him, “I'm sorry. Could I possibly touch it?”  
“Uhh... yeah, sure,” came Tony's unsure response.  
His heart was beating fast as Steve gently leant a couple of fingers against the reactor.  
Steve smiled, “It's warm...” He ran his hand across it's surface and peered closely at it. He examined it for around a minute before standing up and suddenly becoming awkward, a blush rising to his cheeks.  
“Uhh, thanks. I, um, I've got to help Clint out with something upstairs. If you need me just call me down, ok?”  
Tony nodded slowly as Steve walked out of the gym. He stood for a full two minutes, slightly stunned by what just happened and trying to calm his rapidly beating heart.  
 _Oh please no. Please god no._

Steve didn't even try to catch Tony's attention, he just left the plate of dinner on the worktop near him like he had done the last couple of weeks. As he left the lab he looked back at Tony, totally absorbed in whatever his latest project was. He smiled.

Steve walked into the lab but couldn't see Tony. Worry kicked in a little as he called out to his friend.  
“Tony? You in here?”  
He heard a noise by the cars and looked over to see a grease covered Tony wheel himself out from under one of his prized classics. Tony grabbed a rag as he stood up, just wearing a black wife-beater and a pair of old, grease stained jeans. Steve made a quiet strangled noise in his throat, adjusted the way he was standing and cleared his throat.  
Tony was wiping the oil off his hands, “What's up, Cap?”  
“It's ok, you're working. I won't disturb you,” he moved to leave the lab.  
“Hey, no. What's up?” Tony walked around the worktop towards him.  
“Well, there's a special art exhibition on and I was, well I was wondering if you wanted to go with me? No one else really cares.”  
Tony smiled at him, “Sure I'll come, gimme half an hour to change.”  
Steve tried to quell the jump in his heart that he'd come accustomed to since his feelings for Tony had developed to more than friendship. “See you at the door in 45.”  
As Steve left the lab he tried to pinpoint when he'd discovered he'd begun to see Tony as more than just a friend, but he couldn't. It had been more of a slow building discovery that dawned on him over the course of a couple of weeks. Regardless of when, he knew there was no way the older man was going to consider the man his father had neglected him for as a potential love interest, so he kept his feelings as firmly under control as he could and didn't mention it to any of the other Avengers.

Tony smiled another fake smile as people came up to him asking for pictures and autographs. Journalists wandered the hall to capture photographs of all of the Avengers in their formal wear as they attended another function put on to reward them for yet more heroic acts. Steve looked over and saw the obvious tedium in Tony's eyes, even from where he was standing talking to two very nice ladies in gowns. He politely excused himself and walked over to join Tony, posing for a photograph as a papparazo called their names.  
“You don't seem to be enjoying yourself,” Steve smiled at him, knowing full well Tony hated these events.  
“Whatever gave you that idea?” Tony replied, sparkle returning to his eyes.  
“Oh, I don't know. Possibly the look of utter disdain you're not so good at hiding from your team,” Steve banded back.  
Tony sighed as his smile faded, “These people wouldn't care less about me if I wasn't Tony Stark. They only want me for my name.”  
Steve turned to lean against the bar, “Well, these people aren't your friends. I couldn't care less if you were Tony Stark or John Smith from the street.”  
Tony looked at Steve for a moment before clapping a hand on his shoulder, “Thanks Steve.”  
The rest of the night seemed to go just a little bit better.

“Look, if I can't spend my vast fortune on my friends then what use is it?” Tony said, exasperated.  
“Well, if you insist,” came the faux-resigned reply of Clint. “I mean, if you _really_ want to give me a brand new sports car then I suppose I can't stop you.”  
Tony grinned, “That's the spirit!” He chucked the keys to Clint who caught them in mid-air and disappeared almost immediately.  
Natasha looked at him, “If he crashes and kills himself in that thing, I'm blaming you.” She sauntered out of the room, taking the same route Clint had.  
“I know you appreciate your new pistol!” Tony called out after her.  
Bruce looked at Tony thoughtfully. “A few months ago I would have thought you were buying us out-”  
“What, me? I'm offended!”  
“But I know better now. Thanks.” Bruce smiled and headed down to check out his brand new refurbished, personal, re-enforced lab.  
“I greatly appreciate this gift, friend Stark,” Thor intoned.  
Tony waved his hand, “It's fine. You and Jane need a place to get away from stuff. There's great hunting in the mountains around the house as well.”  
Thor's smile spread from ear to ear as he walked out of the room to call Jane and arrange to go and see their new holiday home.  
Tony turned to Steve, lastly.  
“Tony, you really don't ha-”  
Tony cut him off mid sentence, a mischievous glint his eye, “Let me brag, Cap. I, the masterful and genius Tony Stark, have only managed to build you a punching bag you can't break.”  
Steve looked at him and realised the seriousness in Tony's eyes. He nodded, “Challenge accepted.”  
As he walked down to the gym to test out Tony's gift he smiled to himself. He loved the fact that Tony was so generous, and he never expected anything back. Hell, he let them all move into the Tower without rent! It only took 48 hours to break the punching bag.

Tony was chest deep inside his armour as Steve walked into the lab. He heard Steve openly laugh before pulling himself out of the torso.  
“I'm sorry, but seeing nothing but your legs hanging out the top of your armour just wasn't something I was expecting to see,” came Steve's response to Tony's best snarky expression. “What are you even doing with it? Surely it's easier to take it apart and work on it?”  
“Not for this,” Tony said, as he walked around one of his workbenches, inspecting tools, “this requires me to find any possible weaknesses.”  
“Just a bit of tinkering then? Hmm?” Steve asked as Tony muttered under his breath, “What was that?”  
Tony reddened a little, “Uh, nothing. Yeah, just tinkering.”  
Steve could recognise a lie from Tony easily, and Tony knew it. Steve moved towards him, a curious look in his eye. “Nothing? Really?” He picked up a tool and inspected it innocently, “I mean, surely you wouldn't fly in that thing if it had any real weaknesses, but I guess you just mustn't be as good at catching them any more.” He glanced at Tony and saw a tenseness in his shoulders. He knew he'd won. “I mean, I could take a look and check for yo-”  
Tony snatched the tool out of Steve's hands and placed it on the workbench.  
“It's... It's embarrassing.”  
“Come on, try me.”  
Tony gave Steve his best puppy dog eyes, breaking against the steely glare of determination.  
“Ok, ok,” he said, resigned. “I'm spider proofing it,” he murmured, as quietly as possible.  
“You're what?”  
“I'm spider proofing it!” Tony said loudly.  
Steve was confused for a moment. “That's not embarrassing.”  
“It is when it gets out that Iron Man is scared of spiders. Last thing I need is DoomBots suddenly sprouting eight legs and climbing up walls.”  
“True,” said Steve. “Well, if you ever need protection from spiders or anything like them, just get JARVIS to fetch me and I'll save you.”  
Tony had to forcibly stop himself from dribbling into a puddle on the floor.  
“My hero,” he joked as he feigned a swoon before a steely look hardened in his eyes, “Just don't tell Barton or I will kill you.”

Something was wrong with Tony, Steve knew the second he walked into the lab. Tony was making frustrated noises and banging his tools around like he didn't care if he broke anything. He'd never known Tony to treat his things with such blatant disregard, he'd often heard him wax lyrical about how without his tools he couldn't exercise his genius. As he slowly moved to get closer to him, before Tony had seen him, Tony let out a painful roar, threw the wrench he was holding across the lab and pulled off his protective goggles. As he turned he spotted Steve.  
“Get out!” he shouted and turned away, obviously fuming.  
Steve stood his ground and spoke determinedly, “Tony, what's happened?”  
Tony span to face Steve, spitting out venom, “Like you really even care, if I tell you all you're gonna do is be understanding. Oh _look_ , poor broken Tony is having a breakdown again. Let's tell him he's been a good little boy to get him to shut up so we can get back to our own lives.”  
Steve flinched, “Tony, I-”  
“No, just leave me alone! Nobody cares. I'm just a pathetic, spoilt asshole with no friends, who has no idea how to hold on to anyone he loves and fucks everything up. You should just leave before I end up pushing all of you away. I'm no good.”  
Steve could feel tears welling up, even though he knew Tony didn't really mean it. Something had happened, but he didn't know what. He'd never seen Tony so _angry_ before, just upset. He didn't know what to say for the first time he could remember.  
Tony sat down on a stool as the air seemed to leave him, tears leaving greasy trails on his face. After a few moments Steve took a faltering step towards him. Tony looked up at him, pain evident in his eyes.  
He spoke quietly, “Why do you even put up with me?”  
Steve felt his heart break before responding softly, “You know why, Tony.”  
The two men locked eyes, staring at each other. Something in that moment changed, but before they could acknowledge it JARVIS sounded out the alert for an assemble. The connection broke as they both ran towards the exit, suddenly Iron Man and Captain America, leaving Steve and Tony in the lab.

Tony swooped around the _thing_ quickly, letting off a battery of missiles which seemed to do nothing more than piss it off. Clint was nearby on a building, targeting as many eyes as he could with his arrows, while Natasha and Steve worked on dealing with the parasites it seemed to carry with it. Hulk was a flurry of movement and roars.  
“Nothing seems to be hurting this thing!” came Clint across the comm as Tony landed to take out a few more of the smaller creatures.  
“Well eventually it'll go down, they always do,” he replied. If he was being honest he was just glad he had something to concentrate on rather than still boiling over down in his lab. _You know why, Tony._ He couldn't get that sentence out of his head, what had passed between them in that moment. Steve had put up with Tony's shit for months, because he was a loyal friend and good guy. Tony wasn't sure if he was reading too far into that sentence through wishful thinking, or if Steve really did possibly have feelings for him. The thoughts and mental arguments rushed around inside his head at a million miles per hour. He clutched to the hope that Steve could want him, even after he'd seen right into Tony's broken soul. Maybe someone still did love him. He shook his head to empty those thoughts, he needed to be concentrating on the battle at hand. He made a mental note to talk to Steve once they got back and straighten things out, apologise for being a brat. At that moment he heard Steve shout through the comm.  
“Behind you, Tony!”  
He felt himself meet solid resistance, confused for a moment. He looked down and found himself curled in one of the creatures huge tentacles. He struggled against it, routing all the power through his thrusters but he was stuck. His arms were pinned to his sides, he couldn't fire off his repulsors at the creature and he was out of missiles. He tried to shake himself loose, but it wasn't working. He saw one of Clint's arrows explode a few meters down the tentacle, but it didn't seem to do anything. He could hear the others through the comm, but he was focusing on the restriction he could feel across his chest, squeezing the breath out of him. He was aware he was moving towards the creatures mouth, he struggled with higher urgency. As the creatures teeth bit down he felt his armour crack and buckle, hearing the ripping of metal. He screamed, heard Steve screaming “TONY!” through the comm and blacked out. 

Steve sat outside the operating room, his head in his hands with tear streaked cheeks. He was still in his ripped uniform, he hadn't even stopped to change on his way from the battlefield to the hospital. The others had been practically force led to the debrief by Fury, but Coulson had let Steve know privately on the comm he would cover for him. The rest of the team, along with Fury and Coulson, had arrived an hour later, as Tony was in surgery. Steve had missed getting to see him outside his armour before he went in, though from what the doctors had said that was a good thing. Coulson had collected the armour, it was broken into pieces, huge puncture wounds through the chest and abdomen. They'd all heard his scream of pain, and the sudden cut off. Steve knew he would never forget that moment, those next seconds as he felt himself scream before the entire team went into overdrive. He remembered it like a dream, as if the whole thing had happened in slow motion. He was running across the asphalt, barging parasites out of the way, before almost climbing the creature. As he was making his way to Tony there was a loud explosion, a lurch and a horrible noise from the monster. It began to fall backwards, Steve holding on, still trying to make his way to Tony. As the monster hit the ground the tentacle around Tony fell away and Steve made the last few metres. He cradled Tony's limp suit in his arms as he franticly repeated his name. Thor landed beside him, ripping the face plate off as a helicopter lowered to a hover above them. A number of SHIELD medics dropped around them, pulling Steve away from Tony within seconds, getting Tony onto a back board and away to hospital as soon as physically possible. He'd been left, shell-shocked and frozen. He'd been so close, so close to telling Tony how he felt, and now he could have lost him forever.  
Fresh sobs came over Steve as he felt Natasha sit beside him. So far the rest of the team had left him to his thoughts, staying in the relatives room waiting for news. He wasn't sure if he was relieved there was someone with him or not. She put her arm around his shoulders and he leaned in towards her.  
“The last thing we did was fight,” he said, croakily. She stroked his shoulder as he continued to cry. After a few minutes he whispered, “I love him.”  
“I know,” came the soft reply.

Five hours later, the surgeon came out to find Steve sleeping, his head on Natasha's shoulder. His face was cleared streaked by tears, his eyes red and puffy, wet marks on his sleeve where he'd been wiping at his eyes and nose. Coffee cups littered the chair and floor around Natasha. When she saw him she gently shook Steve who jolted awake, standing up instantly.  
“Is he ok?” he asked urgently.  
“He's stable,” came the surgeon's reply. Natasha saw the relief in Steve's shoulders, as his eyes begin to well again. “But he suffered terrible injuries, it's going to take him a long time to recover. There were a couple of complications caused by the location of the injuries, but he should survive. The next few days are critical.”  
Steve held out his hand, and gave the surgeon a thankful shake. “Thank you.”

Steve sat by Tony's beside in the Critical Care Unit every day until he was slowly brought around from his medical coma. Before he was fully awake and transferred to a normal ward, Steve summoned all his courage to tell Tony just how he felt, without having to face the straight out rejection he would have any other time. He took a deep breath.  
“Tony, I'm pretty sure you can hear me, and I wanted to get all of this off of my chest. I know this will make things awkward for you, and I know it will probably stop you being able to confide in me, but I don't think I can hold it in any longer, especially after what has happened to you.”  
Tony was till groggy, but his mind was racing. He still had his respirator in, and he had no real control of his functions, but he could hear Steve's words loud and clear. He half opened an eye with effort and saw Steve sitting beside him, head down. He had no way to answer, but he could listen.  
“The reason I listen, the reason I care, Tony, isn't just because I want to help people. It isn't to get you to shut up. I care about you. I don't see you as some spoilt child. When I look at you I see brilliance and loyalty, passion and love for life. I don't see you as some broken toy. I see you as one of the best people I've ever known. I know that to you I am a friend, I am a person to confide in, and I've spent the longest time trying to control these feelings so you don't lose that, but I just can't any more. I have to let you know before I lose you, I don't want to be left wondering what if. I already have too many of those. So, I guess what I've been leading up to is this. I love you Tony. It's come on slow, but you've got a firm grasp on my heart and I just can't ignore that. I know you couldn't feel the same about me after all of our history, but I just wanted to let you know. I probably won't be coming back to see you, I couldn't deal with the rejection, but I'll be making sure I know how you're doing. I'd appreciate it if you could just pretend this conversation never happened when you get back to the tower. It'll make it easier for everyone.”  
Steve stood, a tear rolling down his cheek. He leant over and kissed Tony in the forehead before walking out of the door. Tony felt his own tears dampen his pillow.

It took Tony four more weeks before he could walk without being in immense pain, eight before he well enough to finally get out of hospital. The other Avengers had spared as much time as possible to visit him, help him get some physiotherapy done. Bruce had made sure he'd brought as much non-lab-dependent stuff as humanly possible to keep Tony occupied. Clint marvelled at Tony's scars, which covered a lot of his torso in angry lines. The stitches had been removed, but they still looked sore and inflamed. Tony laughed when Clint told him he looked like he'd been munched on by the world's biggest shark.  
Needless to say, Tony had spent most of his time in hospital either bored or trying to ask about Steve in a roundabout way. He hadn't been to visit once. He sat in the back of the car with Bruce, who had come to help him home.  
“It's going to be nice having you back, Tony,” Bruce smiled.  
“It'll be nice to _be_ back,” came Tony's reply, as his mind focused on what the hell he was going to do when he ran into Steve.  
“He's excited, you know,” Bruce said, matter-of-factly.  
Tony jolted. “Who?” he tried to ask innocently. He knew his face betrayed him.  
“Just don't ignore this, Tony. Please.”  
“I don't know what you're talking about,” Tony replied, looking out of the window.  
He didn't see Bruce smile faintly.

When they arrived back at the tower the rest of the team were there to meet them, as well as Fury and Coulson. Tony was attacked by hugs, wincing as he felt his still healing wounds protest. He noticed Steve stay slightly back, shifting awkwardly, only joining in when Tony shot him a you-get-here-right-now look. They dragged him up to the sitting room where they'd laid out all his favourite snacks and a dozen different flavours of pop since he couldn't drink for another few weeks. Steve sat on another couch, and the two awkwardly made eye contact a few times, Steve always readjusting himself uncomfortably. Tony felt like he could burst, but he just didn't know how to fix this with all of the others giving them no chance to talk.  
After a few hours he politely retired to his lab, overwhelmed with the huge amount of attention in such a short space of time after the monotony of the hospital. Everyone understood he needed to get back to his lab and fix something after so long without any ability to hands-on invent.

“I just can't be bothered taking it all the way down to him,” Natasha sighed, looking at the stacked plate of roast pork, potatoes, veggies and gravy. “Clint and I were literally just about to go do some training anyway.”  
Steve's face looked pained as he turned to Thor.  
“Nay, my friend, I fear I must take my leave, I have promised Jane I will contact her.”  
In a last desperate attempt, Thor turned to Bruce.  
“I need to get back to an experiment,” he said, not taking his eyes from the newspaper.  
Steve looked at all of them in turn, “ _Please?_ ”  
“Sorry,” came the chorus back.  
Natasha looked at him, “Once you get this over and done with it'll get easier.”  
Steve sighed and picked up the food, heading towards the elevator.

Tony heard someone come into his lab as he was bent over a small piece of circuitry. They didn't say anything, then Tony heard the sound of a plate being put down and heels turning. He looked up.  
“Steve,” he said, standing up.  
Steve stopped dead, and Tony saw his shoulders tense. After a moment, he turned around with an obviously strained smile.  
“Hi Tony. Just thought I'd bring you some dinner.”  
They looked at each other for a moment, before Steve began to turn away again. Tony stepped forward involuntarily.  
“No, wait.”  
Steve sighed, “Please Tony, I asked you t-”  
“No, listen to me.” Tony shifted, his heart beating fast. “I – I heard you at the hospital.”  
Steve looked upset, “I don't-”  
“No!” Tony said, a little frustration coming through in his voice. “I spent the rest of my stay thinking about what you said. I hoped you'd come to visit, just _once_. I didn't get to give you my reply, and of course I've forgotten everything I was going to say now,” he laughed stupidly.  
Steve shifted, trying not to look at Tony.  
Tony took another step forward, “I don't know how you missed it Steve. I don't know how you thought – I don't know how you didn't realise...”  
He stepped closer to Steve again, only a few inches between them. He looked up into Steve's eyes.  
“I love you Steve, I've loved you for a long time.”  
He saw surprise and confusion flicker across Steve's face. “But... but I thought...”  
Tony looked at him and said sincerely and softly, “You thought wrong.”  
He leaned forward into the kiss he'd almost died for.


End file.
